Wednesday 11.9.11


I knew it was coming. It had been so long since I saw her I did not really know what to expect, or when. To tell the truth, I was not looking forward to it. I figured I could put it off as long as possible and then when it happened, I would simply have to suck it up and deal with it. I probably should have planned better.

Years ago, she was beautiful. I could not wait to see her. When she would leave, I always felt this sadness and wanted to see her again as soon as possible. I wanted to spend time with her again. Seeing her first thing as the sun would stream into the bedroom was lovely. She was so peaceful. I could just look at her all day long. She was a lot of fun and sometimes very exhausting. Thinking back on it, I must have had a lot more stamina back then in order to keep up with her. We would spend months together and then she would leave for a while always returning in time so that we could spend more time together. Things were good then.

Over time, she started to appear differently to me. Yes, I always expected her return and looked forward to it. The enthusiasm that used to be there was now somehow diminished. She was probably really still pretty much the same as always. Perhaps it was me who was changing. She seemed like more work. She was often cold. There were even times when I would actually try to get rid of her only to discover she was back again. I was becoming disturbed. The love I once had was now gone. Seeing her again would only bring back memories of long cold nights and the constant care and attention she now demanded.

Even as I have grown to almost despise her, there are still good days once in a while. More often than not, she is just a lot of work and she always seems to stay here way beyond her welcome. In fact, I hardly welcome her at all anymore. Everything seems so dead when she is around. She sucks the life out of me.

Winter. What a bitch.

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