Tuesday 12.27.11

The picture has nothing to do with the rest of the post. A gas mask shot of one of my rope meeting pals…

On to the meat of this post… the partial concept of the game idea from a previous post –

Mrs. Carson’s Driveway.

It has just snowed and you can make mega bucks by shoveling driveways for your old neighbors. You don’t bother with the piddly little crap, you go right over to Mrs. Carson’s Driveway. You know she has a big one and after you shovel it – you’ll be rich. There may be some obstacles and surprises along the way to your goal of cashing in.

You start shoveling. This is a long driveway that goes from the street out front past her house and then makes a turn to the right into her garage. Your goal is to shovel all of the snow off of the driveway. Once you reach the garage you can go to the side door entrance and collect your money.

You have a time limit. If you run out of time, you don’t get paid. You have the city snow plow guy to watch out for – he could fill in the entrance to your driveway which means you would have to go back to the beginning. This will cut into your time. As you shovel, you may dig up some useful tools to use or save for when you need them. You may also uncover extra time to add to your clock.

Some of the things you could uncover:

Mr Etzler. This could be good or bad. Once you uncover Mr. Etzler, he will tell you a story about how he is the oldest man in town. This will eat into your time. He moves slowly which also complicates the time issue. Once he is done with the story, we will turn to walk away and then he will fart. This fart could melt a lot of snow which could be beneficial toward your goal. You could also place Mr. Etzler near the road and use his skills to fart bomb the snow plow guy when he drives past. This will take some skill and dexterity.

Waterproof Matches.

A can of aerosol hair spray from the beauty salon on the back of the block.

Once you have those two items, you can create a flame thrower to help melt the snow.

Mrs. Gribble. She is still pissed from when you made bows and arrows from your mom’s lilac bush and shot her in the ass last summer. She will chase you down to the Brown’s – at which time she will give up her chase and go home. This will have eaten into a lot of your shoveling time as well. You could use the flame thrower on Mrs. Gribble if you like. Mrs. Brown also sells fresh eggs. If you pick up some eggs, you can use these against your foes.

Lilac tree bows and arrows. You made them last summer to shoot Mrs. Gribble in the ass when she was working in her flower garden. These can be used against Mrs. Gribble or against the snow plow guy – your choice.

Mr. Balbach. He will want to throw the football around with you a little. This will waste your time. Torch him or shoot him. You could even aim Mr. Etzler at him if you like.

Mr. Evans. He likes to shovel snow. He is pretty old though and will eventually run out of steam. You will be able to tell if he is going to slow down by the amount of frog egg looking snot that is hanging and swinging out of his nose. Once that hits the ground, he’s no good to you anymore.

Lulu Evans. Mr. Evans’ wife. She’s a go getter and keeps Mr. Evans on his toes. Pair these two up and your work is much less.

That one guy up the street who used to mow the lawn in his white socks. We had heard rumors that he was in and out of some mental hospital from time to time for beating up his mom or something. He will have a shitty snow blower. If it starts, it could be useful. Unfortunately, he will be in his white socks and this does not work so well in the snow. He will get cold and go home.

There may be times when Mrs. Evans wants you to run down to Cook’s Grocery store for a jar of Tartar sauce. She will spell it for you and make you spell it back to her. This will eat your time. If you encounter Mrs. Gribble on the way back, you could pick her off with the jar of Tartar sauce but you have to go back to Cook’s to get another one. Only use this in an emergency.

Cuddles, the neighbor’s stupid dog. Cuddles may take a shit on your clean driveway. Mrs. Carson will not be happy about that. Torch cuddles.

Mrs. Conine. She will give you a bunch of stale popcorn balls wrapped in cellophane left over from Halloween. You can use these against Mrs. Gribble or the snow plow guy.

While all of this is going on, Mrs. Carson will be watching you out the window to see if you are working or slacking off. She may come out at any time and have you start again or go over a location again.

If you do get through all of this and make it to the garage, you can go to the side door to collect your money.

Mrs. Carson will give you two fucking dollars. Congratulations, you win.

One response

  1. I think I prefer playing new my game Jimmie Johnson’s Anything With Wheels to shoveling Mrs. Carson’s driveway… I think I’m gonna go drive a bathtub now…

    December 27, 2011 at 5:35 pm

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