Getting old. Yep, I’m falling apart. I went to my second ever chiropractic appointment yesterday. Today it was the eye doctor.
I walked out of the chiropractor more skeptical about it than after my first appointment. I am told that “it takes time.” I need to be patient and not to expect that there’s a simple quick fix to all of my years of wrinkling up my body. Bull. Things should be easy to fix and have a simple answer that even I can understand. The eye doctor dialed in super vision with a couple of clicks. Super easy and for the moment, problem solved. Interesting thing about falling apart… it happens rather quickly. I’ve officially had real grown up prescription glasses for about 2 years now. I wear them to see things at a distance, like road signs. Today, we upped it to “multi vision” lenses (tri-focals).
Whoa. Those are for old guys. I was reminded that I’m an old guy. I was pretty impressed with what this eye Doc could do with finding the right combo to allow me to see. Not only see, but see really little tiny shit that I could not easily see before without holding it at arm’s length or there about, and then tilting and squinting to make out sensible lettering. No speed reading there. I joked that I opted out of the E.S.P. coating but figured I could still see into someone’s soul with these.
That reminded me of one of the greatest things I have ever sort of experienced in my lifetime. It filled me with hope for the future and showed me that there were endless possibilities out there – and I could have them all for probably under five bucks. Yet, I would never really follow through.
Of course, I am talking about the Johnson Smith Company novelty catalog. I was in Jr. High in the early 70’s. For a 6th or 7th grader, these catalogs were a rich resource of possibility and opportunity. Items in the catalog were always presented in a way that made it sound as if this was THE coolest thing EVER. You could even see an example of the product in the horrible thumbnail sketch that went along with the ad. This was ART. This was ART that made me want the product even more because the image showed things like noise and movement making the product that much more REAL and BELIEVABLE.
Some kid at school would get these from his older brothers… smuggle them to school and we would all enjoy. Just look at the amazing wonders available. There were things like FAKE VOMIT, FAKE DOG SHIT, Whoopie cushions and of course, the best item I never had: X-RAY GLASSES!!! No multi-lens crap there, this was IT, the almost maybe real deal. Only YOU would know for sure. You could AMAZE and also EMBARRASS everyone. It actually “apparently” works and included an optical device!!
The other stuff was cool as well. So many things to embarrass, fool, trick, con and AMAZE people. All for cheap.
This reminded me of something else. We all recognize great works of art. We know the Mona Lisa, we know a variety of velvet Elvi… but do we know the artist behind this?:
Perhaps my new glasses WILL have X-RAY vision, only I will know for sure.