Monday 12.3.12

Balding British Man has Sex. Wife becomes pregnant.

Congratulations to The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge on the announcement of a future heir to the throne. The royal palace announced Monday that Prince William’s wife, Kate, is preggers. Preggers, a condition lasting approximately 9 months apparently is the union of a humanoid egg and sperm, usually occurring in the ampulla of the uterine tube. The result of this union is the production of a zygote, or fertilized egg, initiating prenatal development. Scientists discovered the dynamics of human fertilization in the nineteenth century. Two days later they named this curious reaction “Preggers” after Royal Science Academy researcher, Robert “Always Late to Work” Preggington, who seemed to be cursed with many children. Most of those children were used as “urchins” in various productions of “A Christmas Carol.”

The process of fertilizing a Duchess involves a royal sperm fusing with an ovum. The most common sequence begins with ejaculation during royal copulation, follows with ovulation, and finishes with fertilization. Various exceptions to this sequence are possible, including artificial insemination, In vitro fertilization, external ejaculation without copulation, or copulation shortly after ovulation. Fertilization is usually avoided during times of plague or crusades. Upon encountering the ovum, the acrosome of the sperm produces enzymes which allow it to burrow through the outer jelly coat of the egg. Jelly flavors are determined by what was available at that particular time of year. The sperm plasma then fuses with the egg’s plasma membrane to cause a plasmastic reaction, the sperm head disconnects from its flagellum and the egg travels down the Fallopian tube to reach the uterus where the egg plants the flag in the uterus and claims it in the name of the Queen.

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We wish the couple great luck.

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