Wednesday 4.10.13

Your order of 2x “MACK Sword Striper…” has shipped!

Amazon… come on. It is so exciting that you needed to add an exclamation point? Is this to add excitement and anticipation to the fact that I ordered two paint brushes, paid for what I ordered and now expect you to actually ship them to me? Perhaps a clever marketing ploy to make my Amazon experience a lot more fun? I envision a lot of high-fiving, hugging, jumping up and down and streaming tears similar to a successful NASA mission. I hope there are bonus checks and long vacations planned with a lot of promiscuous sex and free flowing alcohol. All thanks to ME ordering two fucking paint brushes. The world is back in order. Jesus will hand them to me – and if it is warm enough by next week, he’ll be wearing the brown shorts.

Of course, it’ll get shipped FEDEX and never get to me because they will only deliver IF I AM OUT TO LUNCH. Or, I can wait. Hostage in my own environment for minutes or hours on end, never sure if they’ll show up or not. Of course, I can check my shipping order – I have an 800 number. On the other end of that 800 number is a robot who asks me to describe what I might be looking for and then give me examples of how to ask a robot a question. I get a lot of “Okay, let me think about that.” Thanks, Robots.

It is APRIL 10. “April showers come your way bringing flowers that bloom in May.” Right. This is a shot out of my shop window yesterday morning. It is NOT photoshopped, believe it or not (other than color correction), it was raining so hard, this is how the world looked:


This is April MONSOON. Soon to be followed by April tsunami. What the hell do we get in May… a forest? What ever happened to 70 degrees? Remember 70 degrees? Our young grandchildren have only heard tales of such a temperature from times long, long ago. It was hard for them to hear those tales with swimmer’s ear.


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