Tuesday 12.23.14


I watched 5:05 minutes of a 6:12 video on “How to eat when you have a beard and mustache.” This was because I chose the short video over the 20 plus minute video on the same subject.

I’ve had facial hair most of my life now. Sometimes it is longer, sometimes trimmed differently but I have not had a clean face in 36 years or so. Of course, this is in case I have to the Dr. Richard Kimble thing one day.

The video I watched starred a guy with a beard – both the guy and guy’s beard are younger than my beard. Not that I’m any kind of expert on facial hair or anything like that… I have not kept track over the years how much I’ve saved in razors and shaving cream. It must be somewhere between about $100.00 and a billion dollars. Really, there are two reasons I have facial hair. 1. I’m lazy about shaving every day. 2. In the times (36 plus years ago) when I DID shave things off, I was amazed at how stupid I looked without any facial hair. It’s a total “me” thing, indeed. So, fuck off, it’s a me thing.

Unless you are Rip Van Winkle, it’s not like you go to bed clean shaven and wake up with a full beard and no idea how to handle it. Therefore, unless you are a complete idiot or a millennial hipster, you should be able to figure out how to eat.

This dude was talking about how the beard and mustache changed his eating habits. There are foods he avoids like ribs, runny eggs or anything that might “get on or into” his beard. He went on to demonstrate his technique for eating.

I will dispense with all of that hipster crap and give you the only info you need to know. Merry Christmas, hipsters.

How to Eat when you have Facial Hair:

1. Get some food. Does not matter what it is.

2. Eat the food.

2b. Use a napkin. (Thanks Bootcheese)

3. Clean yourself up after you eat the food.

And that is that.

One response

  1. bootcheese3000

    First, I like to commend you for NOT posting the link to the videos, to do that would just give these morons more attention. Second, who in their right minds would even say something so illogical about changing their eating habits because of facial hair and MAKE A VIDEO ABOUT IT? If it’s that much of a issue then SHAVE ASSHOLE! Third, I’d like to say that your tip was just as simple as telling these dimwits to use a freakin’ napkin (Which should’ve been in your steps but who’s counting?). Fourth, I too have a beard and mustache and although it can get wild and wooly to the point that my ‘stache gets caught in my mouth when I eat or drink I still don’t shave–just trim that sucka down a bit. I don’t like shaving much, I’m not some pretty “boi” like these morons truly are. In another couple years they won’t have those stupid-ass beards and mustaches anymore.

    This was both hilarious and insightful, Thanks for the laugh. Happy Holidays.

    December 23, 2014 at 3:35 pm

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